


Plz don't be sad (smile)

by kinskins



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BTS members are mentioned, Friends to Lovers, Jungkook and Suga make appearance, M/M, Seungcheol is just sad, Slow Build, depression isn't really there but it kind of is, not that heavy themes but... it is just sad, side!jihan, this is story of sad Seungcheol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-08 10:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10384773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinskins/pseuds/kinskins
Summary: “Why the fuck you look so sad?”Seungcheol meets a man who doesn't like the fact that he doesn't smile.





	1. Frown

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry I vanished like that, without really saying a thing and leaving (INYLBIF) totally hanging but life happened, sadness happened and I needed to write this out of my head before going back to the fake-relationship fic. Huh. 
> 
> This is quite different from what I'm used to write, so sorry for errors and such, I tried my best to check them because this story is important to me. 
> 
> Also I needed a story where it's Seungcheol who is sad and Jihoon making him happy again, I feel like most of the that kind of stories are other way around so. Hmm.

When Seungcheol meets the purple haired boy for the first time, the purple haired boy is drunk. Seungcheol watches him to stagger out of the bar’s doors, cursing something under his breath, brows furrowed and a scowl on his face. His green bomber jacket with orange lining is still open and Seungcheol lets his eyes follow the movement of fingers as the boy fumbles with the zipper. 

Maybe it’s the purple hair that caught his attention among the crowd filling the noisy street. Seungcheol watches the boy to look around, like he was searching for someone. But he doesn’t find the one he is looking for: his eyes meet with Seungcheol. 

First Seungcheol thinks it’s just passing, like the boy is letting his eyes wander in the crowd in hopes that he locates his missing friends (or whoever he is looking for), but no, it’s a stare and the scowl on the purple haired boy’s face deepens. Seungcheol smiles his lazy smile (he doesn’t want any harm or a fight, even if he could win the boy any time, he was short and feeble looking) and then the purple haired boy staggers to him. Seungcheol lets him come close and the boy steps into his comfort zone, bold and brave. Seungcheol opens his mouth to say, he doesn’t want to fight but the short man in front of him speaks first. 

“Why the fuck you look so sad?”

That’s a surprise and Seungcheol blinks, the unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth twitches when Seungcheol’s mouth relaxes. And before he gets any change to retort, the boy steps even further into his space, their chests almost touching and Seungcheol feels cold fingers against his lips as the cigarette is snatched away. The boy sneers at the offending stick before dropping it on the ground and crushing it under his army boot. “Those can kill you.”

Seungcheol lets out a tinge of a laugh. 

“There are many other things that can kill me more than cigarettes. I am not that healthy.”

The boy in front of him snorts, his eyes darting from Seungcheol’s head to his legs (thighs, oh Seungcheol knows, they are his pride), lingering a little before coming back to meet his eyes. The boy is drunk, he has problems to focus his eyes and he squints.

“With thighs like that I bet that the cigarettes are the ones to kill you.”

Seungcheol barks out a laugh and the man in front him leans back a little, smiling. 

“Hey man, your laugh is nice, don’t sulk and be sad.”

Seungcheol blinks when the boy leans closer and promptly pokes his cheek. Seungcheol isn’t sure when he has taken a hold of the kid’s arms and holds him steady. The purple haired man grins at him.

“Smile more!” 

He waves his hand, wobbling back a bit, and then standing on his heels. His eyes aren’t focused, not really and Seungcheol wonders how much the boy will remember next day. He shakes his head. 

“Sure kid.”

The boy squints at him and the scowl is back on his face.  
“I’m not a kid, I’m already 23! And--!” Whatever he is about to say gets interrupted by a loud ring of a phone. Seungcheol watches him to tap his pockets to locate the phone which is eventually found from the inside pocket of the jacket. Seungcheol is a gentleman, he doesn’t listen in on the boy’s talk (“I am outside like I said I would be, fuck, where are you?!”) and follows the fumbling of the fingers on the zipper. When the boy finally finishes his phone call and lowers his hands, Seungcheol reaches for the zipper and zips the jacket up until the boy’s chin. The kid blinks at him. Seungcheol grins, poking the kid’s nose.  
“Keep warm, a flue can kill you.”

The boy cackles and Seungcheol saunters off. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol isn’t sad per se; he is just… mellow, okay. Or just lost, as his best friend Joshua tells him. It wasn’t like that in the beginning, when Seungcheol was so sure of what the future would hold, when he was so sure where he would end up, when he still daydreamed. Now at the age of 25, he was basically nothing with his degree in music (he should have gone to engineering, like his older brother) if you asked his father. The music business was unforgiving and Seungcheol never was in a right place in a right time, lost dreams vanishing into a thin air. 

Okay, that’s a bit of a lie. Life was unforgiving when Seungcheol’s oldest brother Sangwoo got into a car accident. He was set to inherit their father’s company in two months and because Seungcheol’s second oldest brother Janhyuk was studying abroad and couldn’t come back, Seungcheol had to step in and go help back at home. That made him miss two years of possibilities and when his brother was healthy enough to actually start working again, it was already too late for Seungcheol.

He has couple of mix tapes under his belt but he had been so inactive during the years back home that not even his fellow local Daegu rappers couldn’t pull him out of his slump. So, now at the age of 25 Seungcheol is trying to gain money from various part-time jobs but it seems like most of them also keep slipping from his hands to younger workers. 

Sometimes, when the day is good, he has energy to believe in himself but recently he isn’t really feeling it. Watching his friends to get jobs and promotions they have been aiming for made him happy of course, but somewhat bittersweet at the same time. And he doesn’t want to bother his friends with his… whatever tiredness of life he is feeling, so it isn’t like Seungcheol to actually show that he is feeling blue but sometimes, like in front of that bar, he slips. 

And to his surprise, a totally stranger had noticed. 

Seungcheol rolls his shoulders, walking down the corridors of his local dance studio. His friend Soonyoung keeps pulling him into dancing, reasoning it with him that if Seungcheol stops, what else he would do with his nights? It’s a good reason so Seungcheol goes to dance, he likes dancing and he is not bad at it and it’s a good workout. Soonyoung and his crew are brutal. 

Seungcheol dodges a group of school kids running past him, complaining about the teacher and water bottles are tossed. A door to his right swings open and a flow of students roll out of the room. Seungcheol’s steps halter when he spots the teacher standing on the side, obviously looking at kids dancing in front of him, his eyes focused, arms crossed to his chest and purple hair pulled up, showing the forehead. He spots something, claps his hands and opens his mouth to say something and the door is closed.

Seungcheol stands there, blinking. Soonyoung finds him there. 

“Hey, man. We thought you wouldn’t show up… you okay?”  
“Yeah… let’s… go. Hey.”  
Soonyoung hums, glancing at him worriedly. Seungcheol licks his lips, adjusting the bag on his shoulder.  
“The teacher in there… the one with purple hair…”  
“Ah, you mean Woozi? What about him?”  
Seungcheol wonders briefly how to voice his thoughts. Soonyoung smiles.  
“It’s the hair, right? Everyone wants to know who he is when they see him!”  
Seungcheol lets his thoughts fade into obliviousness and smiles back at Soonyoung.  
“Yeah. Such a bold thing to do.”  
“Oh, he is a bit of a bold person, if I can say.” They are by the right room and Chan makes an exciting sound when he spots them. Seungcheol engulfs the young man into a hug and he cannot agree more with Soonyoung’s statement of this Woozi person. 

 

\----

 

The third time Seungcheol meets with the purple haired man – Woozi – it’s after a long day of job hunting and coffee when Seungcheol is heading back to his apartment and a man is there, standing in one of the cross roads missing the road labels. 

“Hey, sorry to bother you but could you point me to the right direction, please?” From his tone Seungcheol can tell he is frustrated, like he has been standing there forever and annoyed that he has to ask help. The purple hair is a mob of a messy hair under the hood and the fringe is almost hiding his eyes but Seungcheol knows it’s the Woozi person.

“Sure, where are you heading?”

Woozi eyes his coffee, squinting and Seungcheol is sure that the other man is disapproving his choice of a drink at that time of the day, which is, quarter to ten at night. He doesn’t say anything about it thou, only the address and Seungcheol raises his eye brows. 

“Oh, it’s the same apartment complex where I live, couple floors lower thou. I can show the way, if that is okay for you.”

Woozi squints his eyes dangerously at him, like trying to say that if he was screwing with him, he would regret it. Seungcheol smiles, and that does it, Woozi is smiling back at him.

“Lead the way.”

“It’s not that far away, only couple of blocks. It can be a bit hard to find when streets are missing the labels.”

“You bet. I have never visited this area but I need to visit my friend and, yeah.”

Seungcheol hums, sipping from his coffee. Does Woozi recognize him? It doesn’t seem to be so and Seungcheol isn’t sure if he is pleased or not by that. True to his words, it’s not a long walk and when the first street post comes to their view, Woozi lightens up his phone again and Seungcheol can make out notes and a map, so he must be checking the street names. Woozi hums.

“You aren’t a total creep then.”

Seungcheol snorts and leads them towards a tall apartment building. 

“Which floor it was? We can ride the same elevator.”

“Floor…13, apartment 7.”

Seungcheol blinks. “Mingyu’s?”  
The purple haired man looks up from his phone when Seungcheol pushes the door open for him to enter to the building.  
“Yeah? You know each other?”

Seungcheol opens his mouth and then closes it. He stays silent for a moment, his steps slowing down a bit and Woozi tilts his head. “You okay?” Seungcheol clears his throat. “Ah, we…used to rap together.” 

It’s a not a lie, they just haven’t done it in ages, and if he is honest, Seungcheol had been avoiding Mingyu, the boy is always so puppy like, happy and nice. Woozi’s eye brow lifts curiously.

“You do?”

Seungcheol hums, busying his mouth with the take away coffee, lukewarm by now and they stay in silence while waiting the elevator to arrive. Woozi doesn’t say anything else so Seungcheol gets lost into his thoughts. He and Mingyu and the rest of their block crew were very close, once. He doesn’t even remember when he had last seen Minghao, he knows Taehyung works for a burger joint down the street. They kind of drifted apart when Seungcheol moved back home to help his family and when he came back… well, shit had changed. It had been hard to meet up and when they did meet up, Seungcheol felt like he was a party pooper and the more the time went by, the more he felt outsider. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to hang out with the guys, he just felt that he was being rude and snappy and annoyed at everything when they met. So he stopped asking to meet up. And any of them really didn’t try to get back at him neither.

The doors bleep open and they step in. When the elevator starts to rise, Woozi glances at him. 

“Drinking coffee at this time of the night is not healthy.”

Seungcheol wants to laugh but all he can manage is a blurb of sound that makes Woozi to grin. “Makes you lose the sleep. Sleep is important.”

They reach to the 13th floor and the doors slide open. Seungcheol lifts his cup as a farewell. “I will keep that in mind.” And Woozi disappears behind the closing doors. Seungcheol breathes in and out, slow and steady, and exits the elevator at the 17th floor and when he finally is inside his own apartment, he discards the coffee. 

He is insomniac already. He doesn’t need the caffeine in his body anyway. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol doesn’t meet Woozi during the next month but he learns something about him. Soonyoung keeps slipping “Ji” into their conversation even thou he should be using Woozi (the dance studio uses alias for all its’ teachers, Soonyoung himself is Hoshi) and Seungcheol likes the sound of it. 

‘Ji’ sounds so precious and Seungcheol finds himself thinking what it would taste to say it out loud. Around the same month, Seungcheol has to admit to himself that he might be a little bit fixed on the thought of the purple haired man. Everytime he visits the dance studio, he tries to see if he is teaching there too but he has no luck. If Soonyoung noticed anything about this, he is nice enough not to say a thing. 

Joshua on the other hand is pleased that Seungcheol has found at least something to spark his life, even if it’s a stranger he barely knows. 

“Maybe you could try writing again? Get inspired by this person?”

Seungcheol considers it and he takes out his old notebook which he knows still has empty pages to be filled with messy words and notes. But it feels so weird to continue in it so next day he goes to book store and buys a new one. It’s blue if you asked Seungcheol, but to be honest it’s kind of purple but not too obvious. Joshua gives him a pointed look anyway. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol gets a job as an assistant in nearby Management Company. It is not that big company and it is mainly bullshit but it pays well. It also gets him to meet with people, not much but it gives Seungcheol the feeling of being important and needed when he fetches coffee and printouts for the meeting. 

He quits after two and half months because he overheard his co-workers talking about how the company was a sinking ship. And Seungcheol wanted to get out before it was too late. He meets with Woozi for the fourth time that night, outside the same bar they had met for the first time. 

It’s almost gives Seungcheol the feel of a déjà vu but Woozi isn’t drunk (Seungcheol is, he only smokes when drunk enough) and snatches the burning cigarette right out of Seuncheol’s hands. They stand still; neither of them saying anything, Seungcheol letting his back meet the wall behind him. He runs his hand through his hair, letting out a tired laugh and Woozi rolls his eyes.

“I thought there was something familiar about you. I mean, you are the guy living at the same building as Mingyu?”

Seungcheol nods, smiling weary. “What is that to you?”

Woozi purses his lips, like he is trying to be nice and not to spat nasty words straight at Seungcheol’s face. He asks his name instead. 

Seungcheol wonders for a moment what to say but then he shrugs.  
“People call me S.Coups.”

Woozi snorts. “What a ridiculous name.”

“Big success,” Seungcheol singsongs grimly and Woozi rolls his eyes. “Sarcasm in that is just so sad.”

Seungcheol pouts. “But I am sad.”

Woozi bites down on his lower lip, like yet again preventing himself from snapping at him but Seungcheol is too drunk to give a shit. He pushes himself away from the wall and tries to stagger past Woozi but the kid takes a hold of his elbow. 

“I told you last time, don’t be sad. Sad makes you pathetic.”

“But I am, sad and patchetic.” 

With that Seungcheol pulls his arm from Woozi’s hold and makes his way back to inside of the bar. But before he can make it even near the entrance, Woozi yells after him.

“The name is Woozi!”

Seungcheol stops and turns to grin at the purple haired man (now having some company, seems like they are leaving). 

“I know already. Hoshi blabbers!” 

Seungcheol has a horrible hangover when he wakes up next noon. Joshua is there (he has the spare key, for emergencies) and is making food when he emerges from the bedroom. He doesn’t ask why Joshua is there but when he checks his phone, he knows. He had called the other man at least ten times last night, only one call getting through at 3.28am and he sighs. Joshua sets a table with salty and fatty food and pushes the plate closer to him.

“Eat.”

And Seungcheol does. They don’t talk; Joshua sits on the other side of the table, playing with his phone. When Seungcheol is done, he sighs. 

“Sorry to worry you.”

Joshua puts the phone down. He has this best friend look on his face that just tells Seungcheol how pathetic he is without Joshua even saying anything. He feels sick. 

“I can try to ask my manager if we need someone to work extra at the café. It’s just a small club but… you know.”

“Yeah. I would appreciate it. Thanks.”

“And… sorry, I looked at it when I was tucking you in earlier. I think you should talk to this Woozi person.”

Joshua offers his blue, not purple notebook at him with a slip of a paper.

“I might have also kept things from you. Well, I met him like a week ago but that purple hair was a nice indication that my future performance team has your mysterious person in it.”

Seungcheol stares at him without really understanding what is happening. Joshua rolls his eyes and starts to go through the note book, before stopping and offering the pages for Seungcheol to see. Seungcheol doesn’t remember writing the words down, but from the jumpy and scrawny look of the words, he might have been drunk while doing so. 

_One two three_  
_one beautiful day you came to me_  
_heart drunk you are so greedy_  
_medicine for cold food for hunger you for me_

The words stare at him and the bounding inside Seungcheol head increases. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol doesn’t use the phone number Joshua gave him. He just can’t. He doesn’t feel comfortable to do so because they kind left off with a bad note and for some reason Seungcheol thinks they will meet again. All these coincidental meetings can’t be just for the show, right, it has to mean something. 

And true to that, they do meet again, this time however, sought out by Woozi. 

It happens two weeks after their last encounter and Seungcheol has spend a whole day with Soonyoung, having a lunch first, then one-on-one dance class with him. Seungcheol is standing very close to the mirror, waiting Soonyoung to return. The other man has gone to get them some snacks and more drinks, they are going to continue the routine until they master it. Seungcheol stares at his own face, his hair is glued to his forehead because of sweat and the shirt feels uncomfortable against his skin. His eyes are droopy and kind of lifeless if he is honest with himself. And it’s damn hot inside the room, Seungcheol just wants to lay on the floor and never get up. 

The door slamming shut behind him makes him close his eyes and breathe in heavily. Soonyoung is surprisingly quiet so Seungcheol opens his eyes and meets gazes with Woozi, who has pink hair now, through the mirror. 

Woozi doesn’t quite smile but the turn of his lips is upwards when Seungcheol all but stares at him. The shorter man walks closer, tossing his bag near Seungcheol’s and quirks his eye brows. Seungcheol blinks and Woozi moves middle of the room, stretching his arms, Seungcheol’s eyes follow the movement, Woozi’s arm muscles flexing. 

Woozi gives him one look and Seungcheol moves to stand next to him and the pink haired man is ready to press his wrist watch for the music. 

“How did you know I was here?”

Woozi grins, shamelessly and Seungcheol feels like something breaks inside him, emitting the warmness spreading all around his body. 

“Hoshi blabbers.”

Woozi knows the choreography like he breathes it. At first it’s awkward how badly Seungcheol composes himself with the situation but at the end he even tries to steal the front spot from Woozi and the smaller man laughs hard, bubbly and happy, head falling back, knees bending. Seungcheol grins too, wide and he doesn’t care how Soonyoung is dramatically fake-crying near the door, screaming how wonderful it’s to see Seungcheol finally to _live_. 

They had a dinner afterwards and Seungcheol truly enjoys the duo’s company. They are bright and Seungcheol is genuinely interested in what Woozi does for living. He does almost everything from singing to composing and lyric writing but he also dances and teaches. Teaching is what pays his bills but he hopes to compose for living one day. Hoshi keeps lifting him up to the podium, praising him with the most ridiculous words that make them laugh. Woozi is humble and Seungcheol feels truly happy when they exit the restaurant. 

“Hey, S.Coups”, Woozi calls when they are ready to go their separate ways, Hoshi already jogging to catch the bus. Seungcheol hums and Woozi licks his lips. 

“I mean it. Be happy.”

Seungcheol almost says _‘you make me happy’_ but he doesn’t, it’s too soon, way too soon. So he just nods because he can’t trust his voice and Woozi smiles, his head tilting to the side, eyes turning into half moons. 

“Hope we see again.”

“We probably will, I mean, we have been meeting randomly all this time anyway.” 

“Yeah. And we have same friends so, odds are high.”

Seungcheol smiles and it takes a while for either of them to make any movements to actually leave the other. There are awkward laughs and finally Woozi makes his exit, waving his hand briskly as he draws away. Seungcheol doesn’t turn until Woozi has disappeared around the corner. 

Joshua is at his apartment, doing whatever best friends do, lazying around and he just shakes his head at him when Seungcheol keeps sighing deeply. 

“Are you sure you are not in love?”

“I don’t know.”

Joshua hums and Seungcheol fishes out his blue, not purple notebook and starts writing. He doesn’t see Joshua smiling fondly at him. Sometimes best friend’s role is tough and Joshua wonders briefly if he can stop worrying for Seungcheol health for now. Because he has witnessed blank Seungcheol way too many times and Seungcheol being like that, lifeless, bored and sad, isn’t nice sigh at all. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol won’t say he is in love, being in love is something so foreign to him. But he can say he is fond of Woozi. They meet briefly at the dance studios during the next month, Woozi waving his hand at him when he passes the room he is teaching in, kids roaring in laughs because Woozi is actually smiling at someone and someone’s ‘who is that handsome man, your boyfriend?’ hunts Seungcheol down the corridors to the room where Soonyoung is waiting. 

To be honest Seungcheol isn’t sure when was the last time he was interested in anyone romantically, maybe in college, who knows. But it was in college when he had his last boyfriend and that was ages ago. After the college Seungcheol’s life had been a mess so he hasn’t had time to be in love with anyone. Or the energy to be or meet anyone new and interesting, so meeting with Woozi has been pleasant. 

Seungcheol’s new job at the fast food restaurant fucks up his sleeping schedule because he takes so many night shifts (because everyone knows they pay the best). And everything starts to slip out of his hands soon after that. He starts missing dance classes because he is sleeping or working, he has no energy to meet anyone if he works at night and he is sluggish at the day time. He feels bluer than ever and Joshua makes him stop working the night shifts because that is what best friends do and eventually quit because to be honest, the salary is shit. 

Joshua talks him into coming to the club he works at and seeing his performance team to perform and maybe he could talk with the manager and get to work at the club. Last time Joshua asked, the manager was little reluctant, they really don’t need anyone so now was Seungcheol’s change to convince Joshua’s boss. Seungcheol isn’t sure thou, all of his recent work places have turned out to be shit but on the other hand Joshua still works there as an instrument player so it can’t suck. But Seungcheol doesn’t play any instruments. He has done taekwondo for years, that’s all he can do, be tall and intimidating. He is a bit of pessimistic but says yes anyway, he needs to get out of the house. 

And that’s the night he meets Woozi for the seventh time and that’s the night that changes every carefully set pieces of their delicate relationship.

Seungcheol talks with the club manager briefly before the event starts and when he roams to the hall and notices the men at the stage. He wants to laugh but then he remembers Joshua mentioning Woozi being part of the team and he watches the pink haired man to set up the chairs with someone very handsome looking long haired man while other three (Joshua included) set up guitar and keyboards. 

Woozi doesn’t notice him before the gig is set to start and Seungcheol watches, smiling as the group of five jams away with the very funky song. Audience is excited and the atmosphere inside the club is happy. Seungcheol almost laughs aloud when he realizes how much that long haired man and Joshua flirt during the performance, just by looking at each other and if Seungcheol considers the lyrics, it makes very much sense. He loves the way everyone’s voices fit so well together and he is amazed by Woozi’s voice. He has never heard the man to sing and he has a nice voice to listen to. 

But what blows him away is the next song and what Woozi does with his voice. It’s his solo song apparently, others withdrawing to the side of the stage, the long haired man casually letting his touch linger when he takes Joshua’s mic, Seungcheol notes. But the song that Woozi sings is totally different of what they sang together. It’s incredible beautiful and powerful that the air gets caught in Seungcheol’s lungs and that’s when their eyes meet across the room.

Woozi’s eyes only widen, that is the only indicator of the fact that he realizes whose eyes he met, and then he breaks into the last highlight of the song and Seungcheol’s feels the shivers run down his spine. _‘After this night I wish you could smile happily’_ and something breaks inside Seungcheol and he needs to get out of there. It’s suddenly so hard to breath and as the audience erupts into applauses, Seungcheol turns away. 

The pink haired man finds him near the entrance, leaning against the small bay near the corridor leading to the bathrooms. Seungcheol stares straight ahead and Woozi takes a step closer and closer until he is in his personal space and Seungcheol shifts his gaze to the smaller man. Seungcheol tries to open his mouth and say something, anything but the words get caught and all he makes out is a woeful groan. Woozi hums like he gets it anyway and leans on the wall next to him, not close enough for their shoulders to touch. Seungcheol takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and he feels Woozi to move his hair away from his forehead and eyes. He can hear a song to change but seems like Woozi has no hurry to get back on the stage. When Seungcheol opens his eyes again, Woozi is looking at him with his lower lip between his teeth and Seungcheol lets out a huff. 

“T-that song… y-your song…w-was… amazing,” he tries and Woozi takes the leap of faith and leans in so that their shoulders touch. Seungcheol wipes the tears away. 

“Are you okay?”

Woozi turns, lifting his other hand behind Seungcheol’s head and when Seungcheol shakes his head as a ‘no’ answer, the smaller man pulls him into his chest (because Seungcheol is crouching a bit in the bay) and hugs him. 

Seungcheol doesn’t remember when the last time anyone had hugged him was. 

It feels overbearing but he doesn’t want to let go so he grabs on Woozi and smaller man moves a bit so that he can circle both of his hands around Seungcheol. And he feels safe. It’s not like the hug is anything particularly comforting, it’s more like just two bodies against each other but Seungcheol pulls Woozi closer, tightening his hold. 

Seungcheol has no idea how long they stay like that but then Woozi pulls back a little and Seungcheol lets his hands fall. 

“Wanna sing something?”

Seungcheol blinks at him and Woozi rolls his eyes. “It’s the open mic after this song, want to sing something? With Me? Otherwise DK will never leave the stage.” 

“Why you want to sing with me?” Seungcheol asks, wondering and Woozi rolls his eyes, again, like it’s the most idiotic question Seungcheol could ask. 

“I did my research.”

Oh. 

“Those are old mix tapes.”

“Good old mix tapes, S.Coups. Any songs in mind?” 

Woozi is already pulling him into the hall and Seungcheol briefly catches Joshua’s worried look but turns to Woozi who is making their way towards the stage. 

“Do you want me to pick a son—“

“’Can’t see the end’”, Seungcheol murmurs and Woozi blinks, then he nods. “I know the song. Good choice.” 

It’s bit of a blank in Seungcheol’s memory, the walk up to the stage and the feeling of a microphone in his hand. It’s still kind of blank, the presence of Woozi on the stage, the music and familiar beats and the song starts. Seungcheol really doesn’t remember rapping along, but he hears Woozi, he hears and remembers him joining in the song and it’s suddenly all clear to him. He hasn’t been up to the stage for so long but his old stage manners surfaces soon and it’s good to be up there. And even thou the song isn’t the happiest one, Seungcheol enjoys himself and from the way Woozi grins at him when they finally get down from there, he can tell that the younger man has enjoyed it too. 

It looks like Woozi wants to say something but Joshua is there with the long haired man, worry visible on his face. 

“Dude, you okay? You look so fragile, I just—“

“Joshua, I’m alright. Who is this?” Seungcheol turns to the man next to them and the long haired man looks startled when the attention is on him. 

“Ah, yes, we haven’t met before, my name is Yoon Jeonghan.”

“Jeonghan, nice to meet you, I’m Joshua’s best friend, Choi Seungcheol.”

Jeonghan blinks but takes his offered hand. Joshua groans and Seungcheol feels him to take hold of his arm, squishing. Jeonghan smiles and Woozi cackles somewhere behind.

“Nice to meet you too. Hopefully we will get along.” 

“Just don’t hurt him and we are cool.”

Joshua coughs something silly and Jeonghan splutters. Woozi barks out a laugh and smoothly moves in between them, pulling Seungcheol with him, leaving the two to be flustered together. They don’t make it far before the club manager is there, almost begging Seungcheol to join their team and suddenly he has a job. Woozi buys him a drink to celebrate and Seungcheol feels light to breathe again. 

He sips his non-alcoholic drink and Woozi chats up something random, anything about the songs played or the members or any antics happened during the rehearsals. There is a beat of silence and Woozi shifts his balance from left to fully to both of his feet, like making himself stand taller. 

“Mingyu misses you, by the way.”

Seungcheol turns to look at him and Woozi meets his gaze, unwavering. Seungcheol takes a deep breath.

“I could call him.”

Woozi nods and Joshua is motioning him to join them, seems like it’s the last song of the night and the quintet is set to end the event. The song is fun, both Joshua and Woozi playing guitars and the latter even uses the instrument as a drum. Seungcheol enjoys the song a lot and then it’s time to introduce the singers, Woozi is the last one and the air gets caught into Seungcheol’s throat when their eyes meet. 

“And my name is Lee Jihoon.” 

 

\---

 

His new job at the club is everything Seungcheol assumed it would not be. He thought the manager, Bumzu, would put him to do all the shitty work, like cleaning and coffee grinding but Seungcheol is actually put in charge of the hall and its bookings. Good way to make contacts, Bumzu hums when Seungcheol is hesitant about it. He also gets to help around when the club is open and it’s surprisingly fun. Joshua smiles at him when he tells him that. 

Seungcheol starts to get hang of it, hang of his life again. Soonyoung almost cries when he asks the other one to accompany him for shopping trip, he needs new clothes. Jihoon still waves at him when they see in passing at the dance club and Jeonghan is suddenly a part of his life too, hovering behind Joshua when he visits. It is weird but then again, they are same age so it’s easy to slip into comfortable conversation and Jeonghan is pleasant to have around if you don’t count his misbehaving side but if Joshua is into that, Seungcheol isn’t one to judge. 

He gets a message from Jihoon on one chilly Monday night, saying he is visiting Mingyu and they are ordering pizza, should he order for him too? 

Mingyu cries when he realizes who is behind his door, Jihoon’s smile is smug when he hauls the pizza slices from across the pizza box to his mouth. 

“I thought you died hyung!” 

“I’m tougher than that, Gyu.”

He spots Jihoon smiling at them. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol still has bad days. Sometimes it is enough for him to just write down his feelings or hit the gym to get rid of the anxiousness but sometimes it hits too hard. On those days it’s hard to get out of the bed, Seungcheol feels tired both physically and emotionally, nothing excites him, not even the healthy breakfast he has been planning on having that morning or the visit to the coffee shop he loves, nothing. He gets cranky and doesn’t answer messages and if he does, he keeps it short, almost angry short. Mingyu learns the hard way for not taking it personally after Seungcheol apologies to him after Jihoon all but gently drags him to crying Mingyu. Usually he survives the day and he is fine when he wakes up next day. But then there are those rare occasions of very, very, very bad days when he stops answering to anyone’s messages or calls for days. Only thing that keeps Joshua from storming into his apartment is the fact that Seungcheol arrives to work. Work is something that makes his mind to be at peace with the world around him. 

Seungcheol is charming, he has the charisma to work with people, that’s basically why Bumzu hired him. Seungcheol just needs to smile and club goers, sponsors or performers are happy. And Seungcheol enjoys it, he enjoys solving other people’s problems and he enjoys listening to shows while working. The small Pledis Club is his safe haven.

And when he spots the familiar name of Lee Jihoon on the list of night’s performers, he knows he will survive another night. 

 

\---

 

Joshua reads his blue, not purple notebook behind his back, he knows it, and it is fine, Seungcheol leaves it there for the other one to easily find and read. Usually Joshua stays silent about it, not commenting on what is written on it but Seungcheol also knows there is talking done behind his back. 

Jihoon squints his eyes at him when he says no.

“Why? You let Joshua read it and he says you are good, why can’t I read it, I’m the one producing songs.”

Seungcheol sighs and wonders what Jihoon really wants from him. 

“It’s not anything personal. I mean, it’s to me, but like, me saying no to you. Take no offence.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “You’ve got it all, Cheol, I know you want it, want to have a song out there, right?”

“In my naïve, young—“

“You have the young blood in you, set it fucking free!” Jihoon all but roars and dives for the blue, not purple notebook. Seungcheol shrieks and tries to get a hold of the notebook before Jihoon. Jihoon has planned this, Seungcheol realizes, (when he watches almost like in a slow motion as the shorter man takes support from the armrest and easily avoids the lamp on the table), the road to the notebook. Seungcheol’s advance is the fact that his limps are longer.

But Jihoon is determinate and Seungcheol knows he should never ever underestimate short people when Jihoon lets out a whoop of triumph, his hands on the blue, not purple notebook. Seungcheol has a small smile on his face, lying on the floor, looking up at Jihoon who is sitting on him and going through the notebook. The floor is cold under him so Seungcheol lifts himself up to his elbows and Jihoon’s weight is shifted a bit and Seungcheol gulps. Jihoon is immersed into reading the notebook that he doesn’t really notice the way Seungcheol looks at him. 

Jihoon is gorgeous, his pink hair all messy from rushing and he worries his lip between his teeth as his eyes scan the pages for something good. Seungcheol hums and lifts his hand.

“God, your hand writing is so messy it’s almost hilarious, but I can see why Joshu—“ that’s the moment Jihoon decides to lift his gaze and that is the moment Seungcheol’s fingers touch the undercut behind Jihoon’s ear. 

Surprisingly Jihoon doesn’t even flinch or push Seungcheol’s hand away. He lets Seungcheol fingers move, slide against his skull and into his hair, keeping his eyes glued to Seungcheol’s. Seungcheol himself is a trembling mess and he lets out a stupid, nervous giggle. 

“I didn’t realize you had an undercut.”

Jihoon snorts, leaning his head into the touch. “Pay attention to the world around you man.” Seungcheol smiles, letting his hand drop. “Maybe I should.”

Jihoon hums and turns his attention back to the notebook. 

That night Seungcheol writes next words under the drunkenly cluttered words on the pages only reserved for the thoughts of Jihoon. 

_I’m not like this usually_  
_I want to combine all the pretty words and say them to you_  
_that’s what should be in the dictionary_  
_I should be what defines you_

\---

Jeonghan resorts Seungcheol’s help to find out what is Joshua’s favorite restaurant because who the hell changes his taste every fucking time they go out and fucking hell Jeonghan wants it to be perfect when he actually asks Joshua to be his boyfriend. Seungcheol is surprised that they are not yet and Jeonghan just murmurs something about Joshua’s obliviousness. So it’s natural for Seungcheol to ask Jeonghan’s help to solve what he actually wants from Jihoon. 

Jeonghan laughs out loud, arms crossed over his chest and Seungcheol pouts. 

“You want to kiss him.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do. From the way you describe his small face, you definitely want to make out with him.”

Seungcheol sighs and Jeonghan is a dick, he shouldn’t have asked his help at all. Soonyoung isn’t any help either, fake-crying over the idea of him being the best man for their wedding. Mingyu smiles and tells him he is happy for them, Seungcheol deserves to be happy and even if Mingyu doesn’t agree with his choice of possible boyfriend (Jihoon is small and angry, really), he is happy for them. 

Seungcheol hates his friends.

But the more he thinks about it, the more sense Jeonghan’s words start to make: he does want to make out with Jihoon. He wants to kiss those lips that curve upwards every time he spots Seungcheol lingering by the door of the dance room. He wants to pull his fingers through Jihoon’s hair and he wants to tug those strands to make Jihoon’s head loll back and expose that neck and kiss his way up from the collarbones to the jaw until he would meet the other’s lips. 

But he doesn’t. 

Because it is something he is not ready for. 

But it doesn’t stop him for smiling for Jihoon when their eyes met across the room.

 

\---

 

It’s a rare occasion to have Joshua visit him without Jeonghan these days so Seungcheol is a bit surprised when the other man pulls him down to sit on the couch and have a chat with him, without Jeonghan. 

“How are you? To me you look much happier than before.”

Seungcheol hums, remembering the morning coffee he had with Jihoon before the shorter man had to rush for a meeting. “I’m good. Happy, yeah.” Joshua grins at him.

“Did you talk with him?” 

Seungcheol toys with the notebook in his hands. 

“Not yet. But. We will eventually.”

Joshua nods, humming and leans his head against Seungcheol’s shoulder. Seungcheol huffs his hair away. 

“Are you boyfriends with Jeonghan yet?”

Joshua sputters and Seungcheol laughs. He had missed this. And when Joshua attacks him with tickles, he is all but cackling. It’s a fierce fight but in the end Seungcheol wins, pushing Joshua against the couch, his wrists in the tight grab of Seungcheol’s. Joshua laughs and there is a twinkle in his eyes. 

“God, it’s good to see you smiling.”

Seungcheol snorts and let’s his friend’s hands go and Joshua breathes in and out. Seungcheol tilts his head.

“Does… he ever talk about me? I mean, when you meet up for practice.”

Joshua blinks at him, and then a wide, sly grin appears to his face. “Oh. He might. He asks how you do.”

“And?” 

Joshua just smiles at him, that mysterious best friend smile that tells Seungcheol that he should be asking this from Jihoon, not from him. 

“I tell him you do better.”

“Oh.”

Joshua bursts into laughter, kicking his legs into air. “God, don’t look like I just kicked a puppy, God, Cheol.” Seungcheol pouts just to make his point loud and clear. Joshua shakes his head.

“Ugh, I hope you don’t embarrass me when you talk with him!”

“That’s what best friends are made for!”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes and Joshua pats his head. 

“But I also tell him that you smile the happiest when you two meet.”

“What I just said!”

Joshua laughs. “But hey, he blushes every time so, win-win?”  
Seungcheol can’t believe he is friends with a person like Joshua.

 

\---

 

Seungcheol almost has a panic attack when Bumzu informs him that he wants Seungcheol to be his feature performer. It’s a ridiculous idea and Seungcheol has a refusal speech already formed inside his head but he doesn’t get a change to ever deliver it. Bumzu just gives him this one look and Seungcheol shuts his mouth. 

Practices are alright, nothing goes wrong but Seungcheol just doesn’t have the confidence in himself even thou Bumzu keeps saying the younger one is the talented one, Bumzu himself being the good-looking one. Seungcheol laughs at that but he can’t shake the nervousness away. 

It’s a big party, they have some good underground names up at the stage and Seungcheol also spots his fellow Daegu rappers on the list. What he doesn’t expect is Jihoon to show up just before the performances are about to start, when Seungcheol is one nervous bundle of human flesh in the backroom. 

Jihoon is kind of dressed like he usually is, comfortably, but now it’s not that ‘I’m a working, presentable part of the society’ kind of clothing, more of relaxed look and Seungcheol digs it a lot. He has a snapback in his head, black print t-shirt, jeans and a blouse tied on his waist. He grins and slumps down on the chair next to Seungcheol.

“Bumzu hyung said you might need some encouragement!”

“I... what are you doing here?”

Jihoon laughs. “I’m watching the performances, of course! Suga is here and if I’m lucky, I might get him and Rap Monster work for me.” He taps his fingers together and Seungcheol rolls his eyes, smiling. 

“Of course. Working.”

“I’m not! It’s just a very big plus side of these kinds of events! Also I can’t wait to see you up at the stage!” Jihoon grins at him and Seungcheol licks his dry lips. 

“I hope I won’t screw up Bumzu hyung’s performance.”

Jihoon hushes at him. 

“You will do great, just like you did with me. I will be at the front so you better do well!” Jihoon is grinning and Seungcheol is contagious to that smile and soon they are both giggling without a reason. Jihoon’s hand is on his thigh and Seungcheol fights the urge to take a hold of that hand, his fingers brushing almost softly against Jihoon’s. Bumzu finds them like that and ushers Jihoon to the audience. He glances at Seungcheol when they are just about to step on the stage.

“Looks like your nervousness is all washed away.”

And Seungcheol feels calm. Well, there is still this small tingle of nervousness inside is belly but otherwise, he is calm. And true to his words, Jihoon is at the front, screaming his lungs out when they rush to the stage, hyping the audience. 

It’s over faster than Seungcheol thought but he does enjoy it and the audience seems to be excited too and they sync well with Bumzu and when they climb down from the stage, Bumzu gently pushes his back.

“Go, enjoy the rest of it.”

Seungcheol nods sweat still dripping from his hairline and when he turns, Jihoon is there, jumping up and down, smiling and Seungcheol wants to kiss him. 

But he doesn’t. He engulfs Jihoon into a bone crushing hug and the shorter man laughs, his body shaking from the bubbly sound and Seungcheol lets his hands press more into Jihoon and when Jihoon hugs him back Seungcheol wonders if this is the happiness he has been looking for. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol decides to take a leap of fate. He marches into the bookstore near the café he is supposed to meet Jihoon. He picks up a notebook with duel colored cover, it is pink but it is blue also, they probably have fancier names than that but it works with Seungcheol. 

He orders for both of them before Jihoon arrives (that’s their thing, whoever is first on the spot would order) and scratches the price tag away. He doesn’t see Jihoon to enter until the man is already there.

“Oh, you have a new notebook!” Jihoon pulls his chair closer, excited and Seungcheol almost pulls it away from Jihoon’s eager hands, crumbling the price tag in his hand. 

“Does this mean I get to read the purple one?”

“It’s blue, not purpl—ah, never mind.” Seungcheol shakes his head when Jihoon gives him a pointed look. Their coffee is brought to the table and Jihoon sips his mocha chocolate with a content smile on his face. 

“But seriously, can I read it? Or this new one?”

Seungcheol takes a sip from his coffee before waving the notebook between them. 

“Ah, I was wondering… that old notebook is… like… mine, so this new one…”  
Jihoon is waiting, his fingers curling around the mug and Seungcheol hears his own heartbeats in his ears. He tries again. 

“The old one is like… fully me… like the deepest and darkest shit and yeah, maybe some of it is useable but… ugh, I mean…” he is babbling but Jihoon doesn’t interrupt him “So this… new one, I mean, if you know like… I’m not into that dark shit anymore and… yeah, I was wondering what would you think if this new one was about us?” 

It’s so eerily quiet when Seungcheol snaps his mouth shut, air building inside him because he doesn’t want to breathe and Jihoon blinks at him, his eyes widening. Seungcheol tries to interpret what that or this curve or twitch on Jihoon’s face means and when Jihoon doesn’t say a word for moment that feels like an eternity Seungcheol gasps and opens his mouth to-- 

“About us? Like, I could write on it too?”

Seungcheol closes his mouth and nods then, dumbly. Jihoon blinks and then his face breaks into a wide grin. 

“I would love that!” 

Jihoon is late from his meeting because they end up doodling stupid things on the corner of pages of the new notebook and Jihoon spits out crazy raps and Seungcheol finds a gently rhymes from somewhere between. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol doesn’t remember when the last time he had a Worse Day was. It feels like ages ago and it probably was ages ago because even Joshua doesn’t recall it. They has to go through Joshua’s message history to find the unanswered messages and the last Worse Day Seungcheol had was actually four months ago. 

Joshua grins at him.

“Jihoon works miracles, right?”

Seungcheol nods, rubbing his eyes. It is probably over a year ago when he met Jihoon for the first time, in front of that shady bar. Their friendship has grown since then and Seungcheol cherishes every moment he spends with Jihoon. He still wants to make out with the younger man and Jeonghan teases him about it every time but he doesn’t act on it.  
He is still not ready for it. 

It feels like that if he takes that step, the step that would make him cross the line of friendship to something more, the darkness hovering somewhere behind him would fall on him. 

It’s kind of scary to let Jihoon be so close to him because there is this one night, when they have just finished watching a movie and Seungcheol offers mango juice to the younger man, who in turn smiles at him.

“You don’t drink coffee as much as you did this late anymore…”

Seungcheol blinks at him, sipping his own juice. “Well, I don’t want to die on early heart attack or something.”

Jihoon grins, the straw between his teeth and _fuck_. 

“Yeah, that would be a shame. And I don’t smell those nasty cancer sticks on you either.”

Seungcheol doesn’t feel like drinking his juice anymore, he feels nasty on his stomach. A brief thought of Jihoon observing him from the beginning is haunting. 

“Ah, well, I smoke when really, really drunk anyway… and I haven’t… gotten drunk in ages.”

Jihoon hums around his straw and there is something so soft in the younger man’s eyes that aren’t focused on Seungcheol anymore. The nasty feeling in Seungcheol stomach shifts. Neither of them says anything for a moment and Jihoon starts to make his leave soon after he finishes his juice.

“But hey, we could have a dance session with Soonyoung at some time this week?” Jihoon offers when he pulls his jacket on (the same green one with the orange lining) and Seungcheol hums, leaning against the doorframe. “That would be cool. I will message him, or..?”

“I will meet him tomorrow so I can ask?” Jihoon wonders and Seungcheol nods. “Just inform me of what you decide.”

“Will do!” Jihoon grins, his hand on a door handle. Seungcheol takes couple of steps forward, so hesitant that he isn’t even sure what he is going to accomplish by that because he is still too far away from Jihoon to even hug the shorter man. Jihoon’s grin doesn’t falter.

“See you Cheol! And I’m so proud of you, I mean, healthy life style and stuff.”

The nasty feeling in Seungcheol stomach suddenly blends into something warmer, sweeter. 

And even if, as Joshua says, Jihoon works miracles on him, Seungcheol isn’t sure what to do or what to think about it. It’s confusing and he writes middle their shared notebook:

_Does he love me_  
_Does he love me not?_  
_All day I’m counting flower petals_  
_Does he love me_  
_Does he love me not?_  
_What will the flower petals tell me_

 

Somewhere deep inside Seungcheol hopes to forgot those words and maybe when they reach to that part of the book later, it’s Jihoon who finds them and it all will make fucking sense then.


	2. Laugh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos after the first part~ <3 
> 
> Also if you want to you could listen to the songs I kind of played on loop while writing this: [Luhan: Catch me when I fall](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcHsWONb27o) , [Steve Aoki&Louis Tomlinson: Just hold on](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yB_V6XKLQ2M) and [Lauren Aquilina: King](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZeVx_9au5g) .

\---

It’s not like Seungcheol wants to have bad days. He wants to see people, he wants to have social contacts because he is a social person from the beginning. But what if the social interactions turn against him? It’s not like Seungcheol wants to be affected by small words uttered out by his friends, family members or the worst maybe, randomly met ex-boyfriend.

And that leads to the events that yet again shake the delicately set world around Seungcheol and Jihoon.

Seungcheol watches from his spot in front of the couch how Jihoon stops his movements for a blink of an eye before he lets the door swing shut behind him. Seungcheol hears the key to cling against the table in the corridor as his eyes follow Jihoon’s legs to move when the younger man kicks the shoes off and marches towards him. 

It’s eerily quiet and Jihoon slumps next to him, on his knees, his mouth set on a tight line. He snaps the cigarette out of Seungcheol’s mouth sneering and puts it out on an empty beer can. Then he takes the carton and slides it across the room. Seungcheol snorts. 

“Did Joshua give you the key?”

“He is out of the town with Jeonghan, didn’t he tell?”

“Might have mentioned.”

“So he gave me the key for emergencies and if I felt like you would need company.”

Seungcheol lifts his arm on the couch so that he can lean his head on his hand and turns a little too, to face Jihoon.

“So which one this is? An emergency or did you feel like I need company?”

Jihoon’s eyes narrow but Seungcheol is far too drunk to filter his mouth. Joshua is a smart best friend; he must have sensed something off with Seungcheol when they met earlier. Well it isn’t like Seungcheol had tried to hide his foul mood. Joshua is smart and he knows Seungcheol and can interpret the small changes in Seungcheol as easily as he can recite Jacob’s twelve sons’ names. 

“I’m not even that drunk for you or Joshua to worry.” 

“Seungcheol, you were smoking inside. That is nasty.”

Seungcheol laughs hollowly. Jihoon doesn’t smile back at him.

“What got you in this situation?” Jihoon nothing but snarls and Seungcheol giggles. He shifts and lets his head fall back against the couch cushion because for some reason he doesn’t want to meet Jihoon’s eyes and the disappointment in them. And apparently there is no filter for his mouth and he blurts: “I met my ex-boyfriend couple of days ago.”

Jihoon makes a sound of a surprise. 

“I never thought it was that harsh breakup to get you this worked up after so many years.” Seungcheol can hear the coldness in Jihoon’s words, like the other one is trying to hide his mock-indifference. Seungcheol shakes his head. 

“No, it’s not like that. We separated in good terms when I had to go back home and help my father. We are still buddies or whatever and I’m happy for whatever Doyoon has accomplished—“

“Doyoon? Jang Doyoon? The actor?”

“The same man, we went to the same high school. We were what you could call high school sweet hearts.” Seungcheol smiles at the ceiling. He has nothing but fond memories of his time with Doyoon but that was then, ages ago. 

“And so what? Was he still single and ready to mingle? Or his new boyfriend was hot as fuck?” 

Seungcheol snorts because he finds it quite funny for Jihoon to sound so annoyed. 

“Njah, I don’t know either. We were already slipping apart even before all the shit hit the fan. We were not meant to be.” 

Jihoon doesn’t say a thing to that so Seungcheol shifts a bit because his position is starting to hurt his neck, and continues.

“But like, I was running errands for Bumzu and Doyoon was at the same company building. We chatted a bit and I don’t know if people even realize that some small words… just… they get me in a wrong way and...” Seungcheol waves his hand vaguely. 

“And even if I wish all the happiness for Doyoon, some things he just said… they just keep haunting me.” Seungcheol closes his eyes and breathes in and out, slowly, trying to calm himself down. 

“And it just frustrates me. People keep saying, you should have this or that by this and that age, well sure, it is nice to know that you have taken the opportunities but I haven’t so why you keep rubbing that to my face.” Seungcheol groans. “I don’t get it why people can be so… I don’t know, easygoing and… happy to try to reach their dreams? Maybe they have more potential than I do. Because there is me, who just… stays here.” Seungcheol is staring at the ceiling now and points vaguely around and something changes in Jihoon (even thou Seungcheol isn’t even looking at him, he kind of feels it how the air around Jihoon, his demeanor, changes). Seungcheol shifts forward, crossing his feet and placing his hands in his lap. 

“People tell you it’s easy. That you should just keep up and try harder.” Seungcheol clenches his fists, looking at the veins in his wrist. “They talk about dreams like they are something you can purchase from a store. People move on so easily with their lives and I just… sit on my cold floor feeling sad. I don’t like it and I don’t want it but… I just…” 

“Seungcheol, everyone moves on their pace. You will get there when it’s the right time.”

“But when is the right time?” Seungcheol slurs almost angrily and Jihoon jerks a bit when their eyes meet. Seungcheol sighs, rubbing his eyes and trying to ignore the burn that indicates that the tears aren’t that far away from running out of his eyes. 

“I am just so tired.”

“But haven’t gained so much recently?” Jihoon reasons, almost annoyed, and the _“yeah, I have gained you”_ is on the tip of Seungcheol’s tongue but Jihoon continues before he can slip out anything without really thinking. “Don’t get some new actor award winner to flatten your spirit” Jihoon spats and Seungcheol looks at him when Jihoon pats his leg. 

“Don’t let anyone to flatten your spirit, it’s not worth. Don’t think about things you haven’t gained or what you think you have lost, that’s so illogical. I mean, shouldn’t you be grateful of those things you have gained? And they don’t have to be big things, say–“ Jihoon moves forward and Seungcheol freezes when Jihoon traces the corner of his lips with his thumb. “Smiles, laughs, lyrics, small things. Things that make people around you happy.” Seungcheol blinks, not really listening and all he wants to do is to pinch Jihoon’s cheeks and for once he does exactly that. Jihoon splutters and swats Seungcheol’s hands away. The older man giggles and Jihoon rolls his eyes, sighing. “You are fucking drunk.” 

“And you are ice ice baby”, Seungcheol sing-songs, reaching for a new can of beer. Jihoon lets him have it and they sit in silence. When Seungcheol sets the empty can down on the floor Jihoon quirks his eyebrows. “Better?”

Seungcheol shakes his head. “Not a slightest.”

Jihoon sighs and struggles a bit when he shakes the jacket off of his shoulders (finally). Then he licks his lips and then bites down on the bottom lip and Seungcheol tears his eyes away. His heart hammers in his chest and Seungcheol isn’t sure if it is because of alcohol and the adrenaline or because of Jihoon and what the lip biting does to him. 

“What if I sang to you?”

“What?”

Seungcheol blinks and Jihoon stands and walks over the guitar Joshua has left behind. Seungcheol doesn’t say a thing, he just sits more upright when Jihoon sits back down, strumming the strings. Then he starts to play proper cords and suddenly there is words flowing out from his mouth, and then the song is changing and Seungcheol can nothing but stare in awe. He doesn’t actually pay attention to the lyrics or songs played; he is so mesmerized by Jihoon’s voice. He could listen to it forever and it’s so effortless, the way he uses the instrument. 

After his brain slowly drifts away from the awe, he starts to hear the words Jihoon is singing so prettily. 

_“I don’t wanna know, know, know, who is taking you home, home, home, I’m loving you so, so, so I might be a shabby person who has never done anything for you, but today, I am singing this song just for you, tonight, within those two eyes and a smile.”_

It’s amazing how Jihoon blends different songs together and somewhere between the lines Seungcheol is humming, then singing kind of hoarsely along “to me it’s only you, I’m hurting because of you” when he recognizes good old classic and Jihoon grins, finally.

The song changes eventually and Seungcheol sighs, letting his hands fall into his lap. Jihoon isn’t singing, just humming, trying to find a proper song out of the melodies played. Seungcheol licks his lips.

“I don’t want to be awkward with you. I mean, you do know that you are really special to me?”

Jihoon lifts his eyes from his fingers and blinks at him. “Really?” Seungcheol nods and he feels brave. “And I think that I’m special to you, too, right? You wouldn’t be here otherwise.” Jihoon lets out air, like he has been holding it in but Seungcheol’s mind is still nicely buzzed so he really doesn’t even realize that. Then he jiggles in his place.

“Let’s write a song.”

Jihoon hums but doesn’t stop playing. “Now?”

“Whenever.” 

And Seungcheol hurries up and retrieves their shared dual colored notebook. He flips through it, momentary stopping when he spots his earlier drunken scribbles. 

_Don’t take this the wrong way_  
_But I can’t see anything but you_  
_You are so ice ice baby_  
_At the same time you make me melt_  
_Just can’t get enough_  
_I want to show you everything about myself_

Shit, he is so whipped. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol pats to the living room. The notebooks are open and random music sheets cover the carpet around the couch where Jihoon is sleeping. Seungcheol’s mouth feels like he has poured sand in it and the headache is close from the way his eyes are consumed with a white blur in the corners.

He has no idea of what time they went to sleep last night and he is sure he has forgotten some bits from here and there. Just small little details but at the same time some details are super vivid in his mind, like the way Jihoon’s face bloomed into a grin when Seungcheol showed him his lyrics or the way Jihoon had swirled the pen in his fingers or when they had burst out into giggles and lied side by side on the floor, legs kicking and -- 

There is a harsh ring of a door bell that interrupts Seungcheol’s musings and Jihoon bolts upright. The over-sized shirt he has borrowed hangs from his shoulder and Seungcheol gulps before making his way towards the door. He can hear bickering through it and when he swings the door open he meets with very distressed Joshua and grumpy Jeonghan. 

“Oh! Seungcheol! You’re… okay!”

“I told you he would be”, Jeonghan murmurs, rubbing the brick of his nose and Seungcheol just blinks tiredly at them. Joshua laughs nervously.

“I tried to call Jihoon but he isn’t answering my calls so—“

“I was sleeping, shit, it’s like… what… 11am on Sunday? Why are you back already?” Jihoon crumbles just right behind Seungcheol (Seungcheol tenses when he feels Jihoon’s hands slide along his sides to his stomach) and Joshua gapes at them. Jeonghan murmurs something and pushes his way inside the apartment followed by Jihoon, (fuck, is he already missing the feeling of Jihoon’s fingers, shitshitshit) leaving Seungcheol and Joshua standing there. They listen how Jeonghan demands coffee and Jihoon nags but gives in and then there is clangs of mugs and water running and—

“He knows where you keep your coffee?” Joshua murmurs pushing his way inside and Seungcheol sighs, closing the door and leaning against it. Seungcheol doesn’t listen what the other three talk about (probably about him and last night, there is plenty of evidence) and closes his eyes. He feels the door with his fingertips, trying to keep himself rooted. It’s a bit weird, how the other three men move around his apartment as if they knew it better than he himself knew. His mind is still a bit overwhelmed by the last night and he can feel the hangover nagging dangerously in the back of his head. 

“Wow! Did you have a jamming session?” Joshua’s voice pierces through the silence of Seungcheol’s mind and he snaps his eyes open. Joshua stands by the living room door, glancing back at the kitchen, probably at Jihoon whose laugh fills the air. Seungcheol doesn’t dare to breath. 

“Yeah! Thanks for leaving your guitar here, it helped us a lot!” 

Joshua smiles and makes a move to crunch down and—

“No. Don’t.” 

Seungcheol winches at the volume of his voice, and it’s so hoarse too, shit. Joshua stops and glances at him before straightening up again. He smiles, gently, and nods.

“When you are ready.”

Seungcheol watches him to move back to the kitchen and then Jihoon appears to the doorway. He blinks at Seungcheol.

“I made coffee. Two sugars, right?”

Seungcheol lets air out of his lungs and nods. Jihoon smiles and the world around Seungcheol feels lighter to breath somehow.

He doesn’t remember when there had been so much noise in his apartment. Okay, maybe that one time they invited Mingyu over but Seungcheol just feels extremely fond of the feeling of having loud friends over. Jeonghan is laughing and recalling some mishaps to Jihoon who cackles at them. Joshua huffs and puffs and Seungcheol is happy that he isn’t at the receiving end of the teasing this time. They drink their coffee and then Jihoon’s phone rings, twice and angrily. 

“Shit, I forgot I had a meeting.”

“On Sunday?”

Jihoon hums, sliding down from his chair and rushing to the living room. Seungcheol licks his lips but Joshua nods and he ventures to follow. Jihoon is pulling his jacket on when Seungcheol crouches and starts to gather up the music sheets. 

“Do you want to have these? I mean, you could arrange something…”

“Oh, sure.” 

He takes them hastily, rolling them and sliding the papers inside his huge jacket. Seungcheol accompanies him to the door. 

“I will call you. And Cheol”, Jihoon is already out of the door and Seungcheol is half way to close it but stops and Jihoon grins at him, his hair messy. Seungcheol thinks he looks adorable. 

“You know that I like it when you are happy, so do those dorks in the kitchen… yeah, so keep it up, ‘kay?” 

Seungcheol nods dumbfounded. “The things I have gained… yeah, you… and those dorks of course!” 

Jihoon’s laugh echoes in the corridor. Jeonghan grins at him smugly when he finally closes the door and lurks back into living room.

“He didn’t change his shirt, right? I thought that the Iron Man t-shirt wasn’t quite his style.”

Joshua smiles sheepishly, holding a white button up shirt along the blankets Jihoon used. Seungcheol shrugs, grinning. 

It takes about an hour to get a message from Jihoon. 

**to: you**  
_Shit! I have your shirt still on!_

**to: Hoonie**  
_It’s okay! I hope it was proper for your meeting thou._

**to: you**  
_It was not. Luckily they love the movies so I’m on their good side. Thanks to you._

Seungcheol writes an answer but his fingers hover over the send button. Jeonghan peeks over his shoulder after he noticed the kind of hysterical look on Seungcheol’s face. He hums. “Send it. If you ever want to make out with him, send it.”

**to: Hoonie**  
_You can keep the shirt, as a lucky item then! It’s old anyway :)_

 

\---

 

Mingyu’s friend is Jungkook, he is fun and smart, from what Seungcheol gathers from the chit-chat he has with the boy. Seungcheol meets him when he wanders to Mingyu’s door when in need of venting. It’s so weird to ramble to two younger men when he all but hugs Mingyu’s couch pillows and the two look at him like he has lost his mind, which he totally has. Mingyu clears his throat when Seungcheol finishes. 

“Hyung, why aren’t you talking about this with Joshua hyung? Not that I mind but… Joshua hyung is your best friend, isn’t these kinds of matters… the best friend matters?”

“It’s not the point. He knows all of this already, he sees right through me and it would be pointless to talk with him.”

Mingyu blinks at him, opens his mouth but closes it then. Seungcheol stares at him with wide eyes. Mingyu averts his eyes and looks at Jungkook who stares at them with a bored expression, holding chips in his other hand and picking them with his other.

“So, what you think?”

“I think, if you don’t mind me being frank, confess”, Jungkook says and both Seungcheol and Mingyu make a face but before neither of them could retort something back, Jungkook continues: “I mean, why you haven’t already?” 

“Confess to Jihoon hyung? Well you haven’t met him of course you would say that.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes at Mingyu. “He can’t be that bad if hyung is crushing on him. I mean, if he is anything like Yoongi hyung, he will treat you well either way. Does this mean you are afraid?” 

“Yoongi hyung? As in Min Yoongi? Suga” Seungcheol pipes up, disregarding Jungkook’s last question, and Jungkook nods, licking his salty fingers. “My cousin’s boyfriend, Min Yoongi alias Suga hyung, yes.” 

Seungcheol wails and hides his face behind the pillow. He isn’t that sure if he likes all the connections between people around him but he doesn’t have time to think about that now. He is supposes to meet with Jihoon later that day to make finishing touches to their song and that is what occupies his mind.

The last two week has been hellish in a way that Seungcheol can’t keep up with it anymore, and it’s been the said two weeks since the fateful night of Seungcheol proposing to write a song together. They wrote lyrics down at that night and some more during the weeks following. Seungcheol had been feeling so giddy during the time because it had felt so unreal to use his lyrics to write a song. 

Jihoon took all their papers home with him (and both of the notebooks, Seungcheol had been sweating because of that too, his inner most thoughts so easily to be read by the younger man) and yesterday he called Seungcheol. Jihoon had sounded tired but brightened up when he had answered. _‘I have the song’s lyrics done’_ he had informed and that Seungcheol should see them too. 

He doesn’t know what he should really be feeling. Anxious? Excitement? Both? And during those two weeks he has realized how much he adores Jihoon and he wants nothing more than confess, yes, but his mind keeps drawing up ugly imaginaries of everything falling down if he does. He gasps suddenly.

“What if he is seeing someone already? I never asked if he has someone!”

Mingyu snorts. “Come on hyung, Jeonghan hyung would have told you if Jihoon had a boyfriend, right?” Seungcheol hums, hugging the pillow and it makes sense, kind of. Jeonghan isn’t that cruel that he would leave out that kind of information. Mingyu jiggles his feet.

“Also, have you ever even seen how he looks at you? Jihoon I mean?” 

“No, not really, I try not to think why people look at me.”  
Mingyu gives him a pointed look and Jungkook reaches for more potato chips. 

“What?”

Mingyu licks his lips. “Have you…do you… I mean I haven’t hung out with the two of you a lot but… from those couple of times…if Jihoon acts anything like that every time he is with you… it would be good to think why he looks at you the way he does.” 

Seungcheol has a denial slur just in the tip of his tongue but the look Mingyu gives at him makes him press his lips tightly together. He knows, kind of, because Jeonghan is a piece of shit and keeps pestering him to make a move at Jihoon but, yeah, Seungcheol hesitates. It’s not easy to suddenly want someone or that someone could actually want him and like him, it’s kind of surreal. And when he catches Jungkook’s eyes looking at him, the previous question of him being afraid, surfaces again. 

He is afraid. 

He hasn’t really felt scared in long time, anxious yes, but scared? He hasn’t been afraid of losing anything but now, with Jihoon, he feels like there is so many things he could lose. He could lose a friend, a companion, a soul mate maybe. 

But then Jihoon’s face surfaces to his mind, all those wide smiles, dimples and head tilts. Seungcheol can almost hear Jihoon’s voice inside his head, saying how he should appreciate all the small things he has gained. 

It’s surreal to have some light in his life again after so many years of dullness and darkness. 

 

\---

 

Seungcheol sits nervously at the couch of Jihoon’s small studio room. The other man has gone to get them some coffee. Seungcheol jumps a little when the door opens again. Jihoon pushes his way inside and offers the take away cup to him. Jihoon snorts at him when Seungcheol nothing but jerks when their fingers brush together and he almost drops the drink.

“Dude, why are you so jittery? Here, two sugars, right?”

Seungcheol takes the coffee and sips it carefully. “I’m surprised you are still offering this to me, if you so think I’m jittery.” Jihoon grins at him and sits down on his chair, then proceeding to roll it closer to Seungcheol so that their knees bump. Seungcheol tries not to choke on his coffee. Jihoon just smiles at him mysteriously. 

“Let’s get to work.”

He pushes the chair back, his gaze lingering on Seungcheol when he spins the chair around and Seungcheol breathes out heavily. He stands and pulls another chair from under the table and sits down, next to Jihoon, holding the coffee cup on his left hand, the hand that is closer to Jihoon (just that he won’t suddenly, impulsively want to touch Jihoon). 

Jihoon gives him the music sheet and Seungcheol glances through the words, his mind registering that, yes, Jihoon has used many lines from his blue, not purple notebook. 

Jihoon waits, sipping his coffee and leaning back, relaxed. “What you think about it?”

“Looks good to me. We could… change maybe something around here…”

Jihoon moves closer and nods. “Yeah, it’s a bit awkward there…I didn’t want to change them without your input because… well, they are yours, so…” Jihoon hums and shrugs, the movement making Seungcheol somewhat nervous. “Let’s… try… maybe…” Jihoon takes the pen and strikes out some words and scribbling new ones above them. Seungcheol hums in his agreement and they keep going back and ford comfortably. They finish their coffee and Jihoon nods. 

“Now we just need to find a good melody and all that.” 

Seungcheol nods and leans back in his chair. There is comfortable silence around them and Jihoon kicks his leg gently. “Want to work on it too now?” Seungcheol quirks his eyebrows. “You already have something in mind.”

It’s not a question and the blinding grin Jihoon gives him is enough of an answer. Seungcheol watches as Jihoon proceeds to find the right file from his computer. And when the first chords fill the room, Seungcheol blinks. 

“It’s… happy.” 

Jihoon bursts into laughter and Seungcheol is lost into the singing that follows up. _‘What kind of expression can deliver my heart, should I take my heart out to copy and paste it on you?’_

“Oh, wow, I think… this is… perfect? I don’t know?” Seungcheol mutters and Jihoon keeps cackling at him when the song progresses. They listen to the song twice more because Jihoon wants Seungcheol also to participate on the melody and they end up fixing some chords here and there. Seungcheol breathes in deeply when the song is playing for whatever time but now, finished. 

“I’m still amused that it ended up being so… happy.” Seungcheol mainly murmurs to himself than to Jihoon.

“Did you think falling in love is sad?” Jihoon’s whisper is almost too quiet to be heard through the music but Seungcheol hears it anyway. He hears both Jeonghan and Mingyu inside his head and suddenly Seungcheol feels nervous again.

All the song needs now is the name. Jihoon’s eyes sparkle and he grins at him. Seungcheol yet again thinks that it was meant to be, when they met. 

“Any ideas for the name?”

Seungcheol looks at Jihoon, the way his hair falls to his forehead, the way Jihoon moves it away with his small but so talented hands. The sparkle in those eyes, the way his eyes squint cutely when he smiles. The dimples, the curve of the lips and the flustered red hue on the cheeks.

“Pretty you.”

To Seungcheol’s defense, it’s Jihoon who actually moves first but Seungcheol meets him half way. The kiss tastes like coffee and Seungcheol’s heart is at peace with the world. It’s utterly new but somewhat so familiar, the way Jihoon moves, his fingers caressing Seungcheol’s cheek, sliding close to his ear and Seungcheol holds Jihoon by the face with both of his hands. 

When Seungcheol feels Jihoon move closer, their knees sliding against each other he puts his hand on Jihoon’s chest, preventing him for moving closer. Their lips detach and Jihoon takes a deep breath, opening his eyes and there is nothing particularly malice in those eyes and Seungcheol’s fingers crumble around the fabric of Jihoon’s shirt. 

Jihoon waits and Seungcheol is thankful for that, and for a moment, they just look at each other.

“I don’t want to burden you.”

“You aren’t burdening me. I wouldn’t be here if you were.” Jihoon’s smile is warm but Seungcheol shakes his head. “I don’t feel like I’m worth of you.” Jihoon snorts. 

“You have been worth of me since the beginning.” Jihoon moves and takes the music sheet and a pen. Seungcheol watches him to scribble the title ‘Pretty U’ at the top of the paper. Jihoon is still smiling when he turns to face him.

“Isn’t this enough? _‘We chose each other and focus on nano measure, I’m breathless every time I see you’_ ” Jihoon gives him a look and Seungcheol sputters when the younger man leans closer, their foreheads now touching. “ _’I was running towards your heart, baby I am almost there’”._

Seungcheol feels a bit overwhelmed and Jihoon kisses him, sweet and slow, and Seungcheol is still holding Jihoon’s shirt for the support but he is also kind of pulling the shorter man forward. 

When they separate Seungcheol lets go off Jihoon’s shirt and tries to flatten it again. Jihoon lets him do so and they are in silence, until Seungcheol yet again curls his fingers around the hem of Jihoon’s oversized shirt. 

“I really do like you.”

“I like you too. Want to be boyfriends?”

Seungcheol smiles nodding and if Jihoon’s face can brighten up even more, it does so.

He sends a picture of them together, Jihoon holding up finger heart against Seungcheol’s cheek to Joshua. His phone rings after couple of minutes and right after Seungcheol presses the green button, Jeonghan is screaming and laughing at them and Jihoon grins and kisses him again and Jeonghan’s words are a mess. 

Seungcheol is happy. He is so freaking happy.

And he is not even afraid of what the future will hold for them because Jihoon’s hold of his hand is warm and calming. 

 

\---

 

They go on dates. Seungcheol is nervous wreck every time and Jihoon keeps laughing at his clumsy behavior but eventually, they get there where Seungcheol doesn’t jitter anxiously when Jihoon reaches to hold his hand. 

They do movies dates, coffee dates, zoo dates, car drive dates, whatever dates and Seungcheol enjoys every bit of it. He feeds Jihoon, who always gets surprised when he just suddenly buys something from the street market or offers his food stick to Jihoon to have a bite. Jihoon buys him candies he reminisces having when a child and kisses shared after that are even sweeter than the candy itself. 

They go on a double date with Joshua and Jeonghan which ends up being the most hilarious thing ever. Where Jeonghan can roast Seungcheol so easily about his shy and endearing attitude, he also can tell embarrassing memories of Jihoon (because they have been friends way longer than Seungcheol thought they have). Dating is fun and Seungcheol gets to make out with Jihoon a lot. 

He also meets Jihoon’s friends. He already knows that Soonyoung and Jihoon share fond high school memories together but he meets the mysterious Jun and Wonwoo when Jihoon lures Seungcheol into a barbeque restaurant where the other three have been waiting. They both are tall, dark and handsome. Jun is Chinese, quiet but quirky and sharp edges when he wants to. Wonwoo has round glasses perched on his face, quiet, giggles a lot and Seungcheol is all but amazed by his singing voice when they later hit the karaoke. Seungcheol thinks that their quartet of friends fit well together. Jihoon laughs at him, gently gripping his hand and states that he is glad that Seungcheol likes his friends. 

There aren’t many friends of Seungcheol he could introduce Jihoon to. Jihoon knows Joshua already and Soonyoung and Mingyu are also too familiar to Jihoon. But Seungcheol takes him to his favorite bakery down the street. He tells Jihoon that the son of the owner used to be close to him but Seungcheol hasn’t visited the place since his falling out of the society, as he likes to call his Bad Days. Jihoon understands and when Seungcheol hesitates by the door, Jihoon pushes the door open. 

“If he is anything like Mingyu, he will take you in with open arms,” Jihoon laughs and pulls Seungcheol inside.

There is a line and Seungcheol hears Seungkwan from the across the room. He is busy tending customers and Seungcheol is thankful of that, he can collect his thoughts for a moment. It takes a moment or two before Seungkwan spots him, and Seungcheol holds his breathe when their eyes meet. And for a moment Seungcheol fears that the younger man doesn’t recognize him but then Seungkwan gasps dramatically, theatrically falling and holding his heart. His co-worker looks at him unimpressed and Jihoon snorts. “Told you so.”

Seungkwan actually cries when it’s their turn and when they are done with their order he joins them, for ‘an indefinitely timed break’. Seungkwan’s co-worker just rolls her eyes at him. They catch up and Seungkwan makes him laugh and Jihoon smiles fondly at them. Seungkwan makes him promise to visit more now and not to disappear on him never again. Jihoon promises to make Seungcheol keep his promise. 

It’s easy and Jihoon lets him improve as a boyfriend at his own pace. They move on slowly and sometimes Seungcheol wonders how he managed to find a person like Jihoon and how he doesn’t deserve the younger man and then he slips into a spiral of dangerous thoughts. It is scary to have Jihoon with him, so close and caring so much. 

What if he fails, what if Jihoon stops loving him, what if–

What if.

Jihoon sings songs about stars and rain and love and Seungcheol closes his eyes, as Jihoon’s fingers tangle themselves to Seungcheol’s black hair while he lies down on his lap. 

What if Jihoon loves him no matter what? What if he deserves every bit of happiness? What if they are truly meant to be? 

“I was wondering…” Jihoon states then, slowly, thinking. “We could present ‘Pretty U’ to one of my producer friend. He has a group debuting soon…”

Seungcheol blinks his eyes open and stares up at Jihoon whose blond hair falls against his forehead. “You think it is that good?”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Of course. I write nothing but perfection but with you, ‘Pretty U’ could be a masterpiece.”

“Stop flattering me.”

Jihoon’s eyes narrow, only slightly but Seungcheol notices the action anyway. 

“Stop belittling everything you write and yourself.”

Seungcheol opens his mouth but Jihoon hushes him. 

“I know you have it hard but please, there is so much more in you. You keep writing great lyrics and it is so shame you aren’t using them.” Seungcheol inhales sharply, waiting and Jihoon doesn’t leave him hanging. “Also the old mix tapes? Come on, Bumzu has been graving you back at the stage, he has this young blood up and waiting for someone to complete him.” Jihoon gives him a pointed look. “And he has been pestering me to talk with you about it.” 

Seungcheol isn’t sure what to say any of this. Jihoon urges him to sit up properly and when Seungcheol is sitting cross-legged in front of him, Jihoon takes a hold of his hands. 

“I think you can do it. You took the leap of fate with me, so… why not with yourself too? Why not dream?” 

Seungcheol licks his lips and wonders what he could lose. Even if he does miss rapping he likes his job as it is now. Jihoon’s fingers caress his knuckles and Seungcheol lifts his eyes to meet Jihoon’s. 

What if.

They sit in a silence, just looking at each other until Seungcheol nods slowly. 

“Okay.”

 

\---

 

Seungcheol meets Vernon when he is set to meet up with Bumzu for the mix tape. The kid is hunched over his notebook, popping his head along the rhythms coming from his earpieces. Seungcheol licks his lips and taps his shoulder. The boy jerks and yanks the earpiece out of his ear. Seungcheol smiles gently.

“Hi. You must be Vernon?”

The boy blinks before offering his hand. “Yeah. Seungcheol, wasn’t it, right?”

Seungcheol nods and Vernon straightens up a bit. Jihoon told him that Vernon is younger than either of them, maybe 20 or so, and Seungcheol doesn’t want him to feel obligatory to be too polite with him. 

“So, I heard from Bumzu that you are talented. Can I see?” 

Vernon nods nervously and offers the notebook. Seungcheol nods after skimming through the pages.

“Looks good. You were not born here, right? I mean, your name isn’t Korean…”

“Ah, my mom is American.”

“I have a friend who is half American.” 

Vernon seems to relax after that and they chit-chat until the door opens and Bumzu comes in. He grins at them and Seungcheol doesn’t even realize how long they plan and write and rap until there is a knock on the door and Jihoon pulls his head in.

“Wow, look at you who always nags at me for not leaving work early”, the younger man mocks at Bumzu who barks out a laugh and they finish for the day. Vernon joins them for the dinner and Seungcheol feels light. 

It’s like his head doesn’t really keep up with all the changes happening in his life. It’s not even the half year since he and Jihoon officially started dating but so much has changed during that short amount of time, and before that. He has gained so much new energy and friends (Wonwoo keeps bothering him with karaoke sessions, also Seungcheol has no idea how Seungkwan managed to lure himself in those too) and Vernon doesn’t even look bashful when he asks if he could meet up with Seungcheol’s half-American friend.

“It gets lonely sometimes, when you can’t speak your home language.”

And at some level Seungcheol understands. He calls Joshua right away at that spot. Vernon stammers to the phone who he is and soon he and Joshua have planned a meet up. Jihoon kisses Seungcheol when they finally depart from the restaurant and Vernon has disappeared to the other direction. 

“Hey, you know it without me saying it, right?” Jihoon whispers. Seungcheol nods, his grip on Jihoon’s hand tightening. 

The shorter man doesn’t say a thing after that as they try to hail a taxi but Seungcheol knows. It’s like they don’t need words to exchange the feelings they have for each others. 

 

\---

 

The mix tape is released two days before the group called ‘17Carats’ is debuting with ‘Pretty U’. Their mix tape gains interest and Seungcheol breaths easier. Jihoon is nervous wreck because of the ‘Pretty U’ and Seungcheol understands. It’s like their baby, in hands of handsome young men and it makes him a bit nervous too: it’s not like Woozi’s name is unfamiliar to the audience (Seungcheol has learned that Woozi has been behind the couple of his favorite songs) but the name S.Coups is a bit mystery.

So that’s why Bumzu decided that they should release the mix tape couple days before the song, to get public to know of what S.Coups is made of. They hold a small show case with Vernon at the Pledis Club on the day the ‘Pretty U’ is released just because, to let Seungcheol think something else. It’s success and Seungcheol’s mind is only on the show case while Jihoon keeps taps on the debuting group. 

The regular goers of the Pledis Club already know him quite well and the audience is mostly consisting of them but Seungcheol sees faces he doesn’t recognize. It’s exciting and even if he can’t locate Jihoon from the crowd he rushes to the stage with Vernon. 

Vernon moves at the stage like he has born to be there. Seungcheol enjoys his rhythms and presence, they fit well together.

Joshua and Jeonghan are there for support (they are celebrating their one year anniversary) and Seungcheol buys them drinks after the showcase. Vernon lurks around and they get pats of encouragements from strangers who have enjoyed their show. Seungkwan shows up at some point from the crowd, hugging Seungcheol tightly. He praises them and Seungcheol can’t help but smile when Vernon blushes under the excited man’s words. 

Seungcheol hasn’t seen Jihoon yet but he is sure the man is hiding somewhere to keep up with the ‘Pretty U’ release. Jeonghan, to whom he is chatting with to prevent himself from being anxious, casts his eyes just past him and Seungcheol thinks it’s Jihoon but when he turns around, it’s not. 

The man standing there has mint-green hair and his face is half hidden behind the mask but Seungcheol knows him. Well, not on a personal level but he knows who he is. Suga has always been someone he has looked up to. Jeonghan excuses himself and Seungcheol nods politely to the other man. 

“My fans informed me that some novice rapper has quoted me on their lyrics.”

“Ah, I... I thought it wasn’t that obvious and... sorry if I offended—“ 

Suga lifts his hand to quiet him down and Seungcheol snaps his mouth shut. “They also told me you are good and it’s okay, I’m flattered, really. I had to come and see myself. Then I realized that you are the one who featured in one of Bumzu’s shows, right? And we are both from Daegu, Daegu boys should stick together.”

Seungcheol splutters and Suga lowers the mask, smiling. “Also my boyfriend’s cousin kept blabbering about you.”

“Ah, Jungkook.”

Suga nods. “He is such a nuisance, really. But to be honest, your own boyfriend has been playing your mix tapes at the studio when he thinks no one is around and I got interested.” Seungcheol gulps. “J-jihoon does?” Suga hums looking somewhere behind him. “As a producer I understand he wants to keep the talented ones to himself but if you are ever interested… here is my card.” 

Seungcheol just splutters again when Suga offers his card to him. It is stylish, black and gold and so gorgeous Seungcheol feels like his sweaty fingers will just smear it. Suga smiles for the last time before he hides his face behind the mask again. “It’s your night anyway” and with a wave of a hand he disappears to the crowd. 

Seungcheol feels shaky and he just stands there, looking probably very stupid. He catches Bumzu grinning at him near the bar. Then suddenly, there is a yell of his name and Seungcheol turns to get a lapful of Jihoon in his arms.

“Have you heard already?” Jihoon’s whisper is hot against his ear and Seungcheol shakes his head. “Heard what, I have been practicing and performing with Vernon whole day, and mingling with people, you know that.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes and Seungcheol hears distantly Bumzu’s laugh. Seungcheol’s fingers curl around the fabric of Jihoon’s jacket, Suga’s card almost crushed in between.

Jihoon’s smile is blinding, his face is flushed red (like he had been running) and he fishes out his phone. The phone is trembling in his hand.

“It made it to number one. The Pretty U.”

Seungcheol blinks at the phone; he sees a music chart and Jihoon zooms in on their names under the song title and the big number 1 next to it. 

“It also got lot of praise. Like, not only how 17Carat performs it but also for lyrics and such. And!” 

Jihoon opens his jacket a bit, giggling nervously. “I wore it today, just for… I don’t even know, I got scolded because of it at work but… we got the number one, right?”

Seungcheol stares at the old print of Iron Man from the gap of the jacket sides and he does something he usually doesn’t: acts before thinking. He moves forward and Jihoon squeaks when Seungcheol crashes their mouths together, his hands on the both side of Jihoon’s neck. Teeth clack and Jihoon laughs but melts into his touch eventually.

“Fuck, you are amazing”, Seungcheol breathes out and Jihoon laughs, his hands on Seungcheol’s biceps, squishing gently. “No, you are. Most of the lyrics are yours and I just—“ Jihoon is distracted by Suga’s card which is poking his skin and he maneuvers it into his own hands without really letting Seungcheol to let go off of him. 

“Damn that bastard!” Jihoon laughs, turning Suga’s card in his hands. Then his gaze is back at Seungcheol and his mouth stretches into a wide grin. “Look at you, gaining all the connections and popularity.”

“I wouldn’t be here without you”, Seungcheol muses, almost breathlessly, and he feels suddenly so overwhelmed. He tries to blink the tears away and suddenly everything he wants to say to Jihoon gets caught into his throat. He needs an escape in any sort but Jihoon isn’t having any of that. The shorter man just pulls him closer and lifts his hand to gently caress his cheek.

“Seungcheol.” 

“The lyrics wouldn’t be written without you. You said that night, that do I think if falling in love is a sad thing. At that time everything felt so foreign and scary that yes, falling in love was sad for me but… “Seungcheol blinks hard, he can feel the tears burning “But falling in love with you has been… so amazing, happy and great and I want to write songs about you and with you next 10 to 20 years, and yeah, I think I’m in love with you.”

Jihoon laughs tiptoeing and kisses his nose. Seungcheol pouts. Jihoon hums, his hands sliding down to hold Seungcheol’s hands. “I would love that.” 

Seungcheol quirks his eyebrows. Jihoon hums again, smiling cheekily before barely audible whispering: _“You are my morning, baby.”_

“That sounds like song lyrics to me.” Seungcheol murmurs and Jihoon smiles pleased, swaying their linked hands back and ford. “Hmm I do write songs about you.”

Seungcheol laughs and kisses him again. “Where would I be without you, really?” 

Jihoon breathes against his lips: _“Baby, it’s alright, I’ll call you mine.”_

“You are so cheesy that I have to step in now because Bumzu wants to make it known how Pretty U is doing on charts!” Joshua nothing but yells to get their attention and Seungcheol laughs loud because he has totally forgotten where they are. Jihoon looks as bashful as he feels and Seungcheol puts Suga’s card into his pocket, holding Jihoon’s hand with his other. And as they make their way towards the stage where Bumzu already is talking something, Seungcheol knows it will be alright. 

He doesn’t know if his sadness will come back but he knows for sure that for now, he is happy. Jihoon makes him happy and when he thinks about it, thinks about their first meeting and how Jihoon had told him to smile, maybe he makes Jihoon happy too.

 

 _You're my end and my beginning_  
_Even when I lose I'm winning_  
_'Cause I give you all of m_ e  
_And you give me all of you_  
\- John Legend: All of me

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a wild ride and got really cheesy hahah and I'm sucker for them writing song about each other and aaaaa. Now that I have this under the way, I try to go back to the (INYLBIF) but I have no idea when I will get to post the last chapters of it aaaaa.
> 
> I forgot to link [this vocal team performance of adore u](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fx_XxfEqRME) in the first part of the story, releted to the part where Seungcheol thinks Joshua is flirting with the long haired dude. Hmmmmm. Look at jihan go. BD
> 
> also if you want, I have [twitter](https://twitter.com/kinzkinss) and new friends are cool. :D

**Author's Note:**

> Also yes, the title is from Highlight's [Plz don't be sad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kcwvcbO8MI&t=1s) . It's a jam. 
> 
> I also think a lot of how [Can't see the end](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUS9a08Pe6M) would sound like as a jicheol duet. I like the hiphop unit+DK a lot too but. Just think about it. 
> 
>  
> 
> The second part will be up probably by the end of the week.


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